Well, What Do You Want To Do?
I must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
Thank you. I appreciate anyone and everyone that reads my ramblings. I feel like there are a lot of major changes on the horizon and this newsletter has helped me a lot.
For most of my life I have been in a constant battle with my self-worth. What an opportunity came, I stayed loyal and thankful that I was given the opportunity. I stayed in my lane, never rocked the boat, and mixed all the metaphors I could find. I put my head down, come to the same job I have had for a decade and just keep moving forward while standing still.
When I started posting online as Fun House I had no plan. When I changed names to What Makes The Pie Shops Tick? in 2009 I had no plan. When I trademarked Cardboard America in 2016 I had no plan. I just keep collecting what interests me and moving forward without going anywhere.
I stumbled onto QSL cards back in 2011 and forged a little identity that way. Tumblr brought me some recognition and I am proud of the fact that I provided hundreds of images for a wide variety of things. I am lousy at self-promotion and struggled with some self-worth issues for years, but I just keep moving forward, never finding a solution.
Things have never gone that badly for me. Sure there have been so horrible things, but I have been married for 18 years, am employed and have had some success with my Cardboard America projects and am genuinely doing OK. But being OK and just moving forward doesn’t seem like enough anymore.
So then what? While mentioning to several people that I am looking for a new challenge, the question always goes back to “well, what do you want to do?” and I have no answer.
I realize that I rarely make decisions based on what I want. With the exception of marrying my wife I have based most of my large life decisions based on what I don’t want. Fear of being jobless for an extended period of time, fear of being bored and useless and fear of making mistakes. I am cautious of putting myself out there.
One major problem with this way of thinking is that I have had high a success rate. when I get out of my comfort zone and leave myself open to failure and rejection. But yet I don’t put myself out there enough and impede my own progress.
It’s time to make some changes and start doing more. I owe it to my wife, I owe to my family and friends and I owe it to me. Even though I am fourteen years into Cardboard America, it feels like I am just getting started.
I just need to find what I want to do. It’s not going to be easy for me, but I believe everything will be better than OK. Big changes are coming, thank you for coming along for the ride. Maybe it’s time to put myself out there.